This Is Not The End

Dreams hardly ever come true but when it does, boy isn't it worth all the effort and struggle!

Even in my lowest moments I can't seem to ever let up on dreams because without them, I feel like I'm letting myself down and that, I don't want to do. It took me a while to get here but I'm glad all the same. I'm finally getting to my dreams, its becoming tangible and I'm mesmerised by it. I wish everyone with a dream would realise it at the right time. Timing is key. 

I once had a dream which was to make others fulfill their dreams. I guess living my dream takes me closer to fulfilling that doesn't it? Once one dream is settled another one comes into play. Or can I dream more than one dream at a time? Is that wise or suicidal? Sigh. One day at a time. Right now I'm putting this sticky note on my wall. 

"To fulfill my dream takes me one step closer to fulfilling the ultimate dream - Making other peoples dream come true".

So you see? I can't be slack about my dreams now. I need to move to the next dream which feels even more exhilarating!

The 'Fine' Lie

It has become so easy to appear cheerful on the surface. To smile and respond with a 'fine' when asked. Not everyone wants to know whether you are fine or not, neither do they care. Its just a formality and so I put on a big smile and say 'fine'.

It is during those quiet moments, in bed, completely shut out from the world that the soul feels safe to come out. No need to pretend here. It starts as an itch at first, then a sting swiftly followed by a tear and before you know it racking sobs escape. Why? I don't know. Maybe I do but don't want to think about it. My head turn to a dance hall with a master DJ. David Guetta has nothing on this guy. The crowd is going ballistic with euphoria and the DJ cranks up the volume emanating a shout from the crowd. Hard punching beats so loud I lose consciousness.

I wake up the following morning and try to access the level of damage in the mirror. Only slightly puffy eyes, nothing makeup can't hide. Good. After a pep talk and a smile, I head out feeling 'brave' again. I smile to the neighbour in the elevator and its game on! I whip out my gold-tinted sunglasses feeling fly, jump into my ride say a quick prayer then zoom off with music blasting from the stereo. I feel the sun on my face and in that instant there's genuine joy, I feel connected to something powerful, something good, something...PURE. A tear threatens to escape but I shake it off. It's a beautiful day.

A few minutes later I'm behind an endless line of cars moving a quarter of an inch every minute. Well, there's no use being grumpy about traffic, I best settle in and besides, nothing feels better than a good jam in the morning. I don't know what the rest of the day will bring but for now I am just going to enjoy being alive, fresh air, the rays of warm sun on my face and nature. Sigh.

Weird: Dogs Wearing Pantyhose??!

Aah! When will I ever learn not to get blown away by what I read on the world wide web! These days nothing should surprise me but once in a while they find a way to strike hard at me. Are they for real? Dogs....pantyhose? Well, its China so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Thank you Huffington Post for sharing, we really needed to see this :-/

I just feel sorry for the animals having being inflicted with such owners. I get its for laughs but have we run out of things to laugh at? With the 'Oga at the top' stunts, Justin Bieber, Tonto Dikeh's 'Hi' track, Goodluck Jonathan, Romney and most things made in China.
C'mon now, people! Hehehe!

Reel Addiction!

I have been keeping an eye out for good Nigerian short films and I haven't been disappointed so far. I am impressed by how our film makers has grown, not just in content but production and picture quality.

Some of them include:

• Down and Out
• Blink
• 6.30pm
• Dara Ju
• Unspoken
• Enitan
• The Promise
• When Fishes Drown
• To serve with all our strength
• 4-1-9
• Quacks

If you haven't watched these films then you are doing yourself a huge disfavour!

Came across this promo video a few days back and I want to get me hands on the full film. Please, somebody help!!

50 Shades Of Surpise

I hated people who walked around with their face buried in the phones as they pinged/browsed or whatever it is they did while I shook my head at them feeling sorry for humanity. Guess what? I am one of them now :( HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? When I'm not on my laptop I'm on my phone Whatsapping, twittering, Facebooking, reading, yes, reading! I'm the worst form of hypocrite.

Notwithstanding the appalling person I have become I decided not to let it get me down and I said to myself one day, 'no more' (It sounded cooler when I was thinking it). So I looked around and found a book I have been ignoring for a while and decided to have a crack at it.

I finally got down to reading the book 50 Shades Of Grey and boy was I surprised! There was so much hype about the book when it came out but I refused to sucked in to the mass consumerism our culture has become (not that its a bad thing, I'm just being stubborn) and raised my nose in contempt concerning myself with *coughs* shopping. Many hyped materials don't always turn out to be that great, except for Lord Of The Rings, Harry Potter and fried chicken, which is why I wasn't so pumped about the book in the first place. Hmmm, I enjoyed the book o.

Some of the things I learnt from the book was:

Staying a virgin counts as you might end up with a Christian Grey to explore your carnality.
Sex is amazing (duh!)
BDSM never looked more appealing
Girls can overthink everything
I didn't know the words 'oh my' could be overused
I'll kill any guy who makes me taste my period!
I was constantly reminded of church. Wish they used a different name :(
No means yes
Yes means yes
Pain is pleasure
The toughest guys can be brought down by the simplest things
Rich people have it all
Money can buy anything
Money can't buy everything
If a guy is good in bed, 50 percent of the time his girl will stick with him no matter what.
Love is subjective
The days of love first and sex second is over and in this case overrated.
Sometimes you have to leap before you look.

I think that's it...yeah I'm definitely picking up the remaining 2 books. It's a trilogy I think. Yay!

This Life

Life is worth living and fighting for. Most times. 

This year started with such a rush but now it looks slow, or is it moving so fast that it seems like its moving slow? I guess that's possible. 

Its not how long you've lived but how well. One of my greatest fears is dying without accomplishing my dreams and not doing what I enjoy. People say, 'Life is short, do what you want cos you might get hit by a bus tomorrow'. How many people will actually get hit by the bus after 'living the life'? They forget about what happens after. Forget that there might be consequences for their actions which they might be held accountable for.

The whole thing is about balance I think. Enjoy your life and stay true to yourself but do it with love and respect. Respect for yourself and others. Easier said than done? Well, I'm also figuring it out as I go.

My Oscar Moment

Watching highlights from the Oscars which took place last night, it pleased me to see my favourite movies and actors receiving awards. Anne Hathaway's performance in Les Miserables, Argo winning Best Film was deserving. First Lady, Michelle Obama looked so beautiful by the way.

The award that made me smile though was hearing the name of Daniel Day-Lewis called out for Best Actor for his role as President Abraham Lincoln, in the movie Lincoln! This is the 3rd time he's winning an award in this category and nominated thrice for the same category. Daniel has amazed me ever since I watched him in a film when I was much younger (can't recall the title) then I watched him in Gangs of New York and I fell in love. This is an actor who knows how to pick a role and its so obvious how hard he works to be in character. I once read in an article that he carries out a lot of personal research to play his roles, staying in character throughout his shoot, even at the risk of his health. I hope he doesn't end up like Keith Ledger, but why I think that will never happen is because he takes time off, away from the industry to be with his wife and 3 kids. I think that is his balance and I admire him for that.

Daniel Day-Lewis acts once in 5 years but know that that film will be epic. I'll be silly to miss out on any of his films, I just hope he gives me a dozen more before he calls it quits. I can't imagine Hollywood without actors like Daniel Day-Lewis. He's a living legend!

Another actor that I know to work hard to stay in character is Viggo Mortensen (Aragorn from LODR). He prefers the theatre to Mainstream movies and the only reason he played Aragorn was because his son begged him to, hahaha!

Do you see a pattern here? Its the best of these actors that stay away from the limelight and spend more time honing their skills. I like being reminded of these people because it helps me stay grounded and aware that personal fulfillment is much better than cheap publicity. The reward speak for itself!

I'm back :)

Its been a while diary! Don't ask what I've been up to but 2013 has not been dull at all!

Valentines day was eventful, it promised to be a good day with good company, good food and a good time but somehow the universe had to throw its spangle in the wheel and put a pause on things. Well, I'm alive and I have my health (touch wood) so I am thankful.

The train called Life is still tooting on at a fast speed taking down anything in its path and I can't help but wonder where I'll be at the end of the year. Its only the second month in the year and already I have heard of the death of 3 Nigerian artists, the fourth one died today, all due to some illness. A lot of new businesses have opened, friends getting opportunities they have been struggling for the last year, Kim Kardashian was in Lagos couple of days ago (yawn), work is about to get crazier and 2013 is having non of my marriage phobia nonsense. I feel trapped. What is happening this year? Things are moving at an alarming rate and I don't know when its going to stop or if I want it to.

We entered Lent without my knowing, that's how bad it is. Last year I had attended mass and fasted, doing my Christian duty. I feel guilty I haven't been better this year but I will make the most out of what is left. I'll try at least. It's a good thing God is merciful, haha.

In addition to my raving rant up there, why does temptation come when you are in a relationship? Its easy to say its just this one time but from what I know, Karma is a bitch. *Doing the sign of the cross* get behind me, Satan! :D

My question for the day. Why are many people clueless about what they want in a relationship?

The IMSU Diary - 4

Suspicious...... Serious sociological students studying at love garden? Okay oo!! Hope those guys don't have any agenda on their mind though. Lets cross our fingers and keep watching, hehehe.

And what do you know! Female students doing what they does best. Gisting/Gossiping/Gbeborun (G Power!). It would be wisest not to interfere in these 'study' sessions! Just minding my own business.

-Chimezie

(to be continued)...

To Get Or Not To Get A Crystal Ball?

I wake up every day not knowing what it holds but I go on with my plans with the conjured premonition that it will be good and back to my bed for the night.

My meeting with A which was on the schedule and not too noteworthy proved to be the opposite. After getting over the rude shock I realised it was a blessing in disguise. Not exactly the way I'd hoped but I guess I don't have a say in how these things play out.

You know that dry month spell, when you've reached your budget spend or saving up for something, you walk into a mall and all the clothes and shoes on display are exactly what you've been looking for your whole life! You then have all this cash to throw away, head back to those stores to pick up these treasures only to find that on closer look you hate them? Yup, it’s one of those frustrating things but nothing wrong with having the cash though. 

It's like a superhero who has a power, like knowing how to tell when others are in danger, but can't tell when  he's the one in danger. Tsk! 

Sometimes, I wish Life gave us a monthly review of what to expect so that we can be better prepared to have the rug pulled from underneath us. Come to think of it, I wish God gave out report cards so I could see where I'm trumping and where I'm not. When it's not a matter of life and death then living for the moment and surprises can be a welcome in fact.

It is funny how easily I make decisions when it’s a crucial moment. It’s all about what is necessary, everything else is an accessory. Makes me wonder why I couldn't see the essentials earlier till this moment. I guess that's a way to view unforeseen situations just go ahead with the necessary and get the job done.

Taking A Chiller

Arrghh, I am so pissed off with people right now!

Is it really so hard for ‘friends’ to reconcile? Seriously if reconciliation was the aim, why go out of your way to make it worse? Is it so important to sound right or to have the last say than putting it behind you and moving on? When will people realize that when you listen more and speak less certain situations can be avoided? Like I heard recently, there are 2 things you can never take back, the bullet fired from your gun and the words out of your mouth. We are so overwhelmed with ‘noise’ daily that we have forgotten the beauty in listening and being quiet.

Some people are more interested in their image and I know my reaction don’t help matters because I just don’t give a rat’s ass. If you want to spend the whole day arguing issues then knock yourself out. Don’t expect a response from me though. When you are ready to converse then let me know. I’ll be here.

Have you lost a friendship over a reason so silly that you can’t even begin to narrate, because saying it out loud just sounds plain silly? Well, I guess the best to I can do is just wait it out and get busy. Hopefully wisdom will visit us both soon and the right thing will be done.

Err, I’m actually feeling better, hehehe. Surprising how writing and music takes the edge off. Thunder fire anyone that is planning on disturbing my peace today :P

Fate? Whatever!

I don't recall the day exactly; neither the time nor place but I do remember how I felt. Looking into those eyes, I knew I would never forget them. Ever.

Is there really such a thing as destiny or fate, or are we simply delaying the inevitable trying to take control of our lives? It is disturbing to think that my life has been mapped out and all I have to do is play along. Surrender? Hmm, I don't know but decisions that I make, no matter how hard, are what I think is best for me and the situation at that moment.

Looking back is there anything I'd want to change? I'm tempted to say yes but if I did hanged anything I wouldn't know now what I should know. So whether I'm playing into the hands of destiny/fate or not I still revel in those moments, a kiss, the melt of chocolate in my mouth, a good movie or book, admiring beautiful art, even the scent of my shower gel! :D Everything can wait as I soak this all in. I can block out the voice reminding me that I need to rush to the next stop in the blueprint of my life.

I can't believe a pair of eyes got me thinking all this. Mscheeew!

The IMSU Diary - 3

...Taking a peek...

The Library

Is there anything special about this place, apart from finding textbooks or handout to read? Some also go there to sleep. I, myself, me don't like going there but was passing by on a boring day so I decided to take a shot.

Just as I thought, the atmosphere dey make person sleep. It's very cool and noiseless. Well I don't blame the chic sha.... maybe it's been a hectic day for her...

- Chimezie

(to be continued)...

Confessions

It isn't always easy to share the intimate part of your soul with another person. First, we are very lucky if we can find that person who would care enough to know and still love you regardless. Secondly, even if you do find that special someone - friend, lover, sibling - to make you care enough to want to share at all, can you share without holding back?

I think I have been honest 'enough' with my dear and near ones and there is almost nothing I can't talk about. In the light of this why is it still a struggle to get that one thing out? Why can I talk to a stranger about this one thing and not to the ones I love? Is it that I fear judgement or pity? I guess its because I might never see that stranger again, making it seem as if the burden has travelled far away never to return.

I have been brutally honest with you dear ones, but that was only because I know you so well and that we'll be as good as new in the end. If only I could say the same for everyone, because its only a matter of time till I  lose some of you. The clock is ticking.

Dear ones, don't feel as though I don't or can't trust you, despite the countless things you share with me. Its just that I fear I may never forget once I've told you. Weird, right? Give me a little time and this burden of mine which you so want to share with me will be gladly offered.

I love you. You do know that, right? :)

The IMSU Diary - 2

So I'm back to my gbeborun ;)

Hmm. This is where genius' are made, at least I thought so. This building is mostly used for exams but also used for lectures at times.

I guess you now understand my inadequacy to describe my feelings about this place. Hmm.

The building is for staff offices and administrative offices. So beautiful! This is where students get all their paperwork done. If you are caught with anything like a phone, expo (cheating in exams) etc.. You come here to  fill an exam malpractice form which would fetch you either a suspension or expulsion. Beautiful! ;)

- Chimezie

(to be continued)...

Love For The Written Word

It's 2013!

I started off the New Year in divine company, good friends, good food, peaceful and relaxed. If this sets the tone for the rest of the year then I'll be in nirvana.

It is no secret I love books and reading. Nothing gets my pheromones activated as quickly as beautifully bound books with lovely words in its pages. I could live in a bookstore! In fact I plan on running one in my future and with the thoughts in my head its going to be off the chain! Uh huh!

With all the craziness of work, family, love and life, I need a break and it lies in the written word. Just thinking about it makes me swallow hehehe. Unfortunately, I don't get to read as often as I would love to so when I do the story has to be worth it.

I have found it is easier to stick with short stories so I will be reading them here on my blog. Stories from young local writers that I admire, stories that keep me entertained and view my life from a different, twisted angle.

If only people read more, the world would be such a happier place!

Love,

Candy

Through the Looking Glass

Why bother with New Year resolutions if we don't keep them? If I want to be reminded of failures I know where to look, hehehehehe.

A friend asked recently, 'What would you like to change in 2013?' I replied 'Nothing'. He was surprised. My logic is simple, in my opinion, if I want to make a change I try to work on it then and not save it for the coming year. No doubt resolutions help us plan for the future but as a one-day-at-a-time person its harder to do that. 

Rather than making resolutions, I mourn the tragic loss of lives of the 4 guys in the ALUU community, the shooting of the kids and teachers in Connecticut and the dead girl from New Delhi who was a victim of a gruesome rape. All of whom and their families didn't get to celebrate Christmas like the rest of us. If I am to make a resolution it is to acquire a scientist who can fuse gamma with my DNA or a Tony Stark to create a suit for me so that I can hunt down these criminals!

Reflecting on a personal level, this year has been a very enlightening one, in my relationship, dealing with friends, work and family; these lessons will guide my steps in the coming year. I know what it means to love a person and to be loved back, to loose a loved one, be strong, to cry, not to say no to chocolate, to be a bitch hehehe and be grateful!! There's so much to be thankful for not to mention making it through the year in one piece, albeit a slightly modified version :D

Overall, this year was better than the last and I can be happy with this knowledge because it shows progress! I can't wait for 2013 and what it has to offer because it will definitely be a very exciting year. Oh yes it will! Hahaha!  

Life Ever After?

I have been thinking about that all night, last night. With the end of the world bull going around, yes I call it bull because I don't believe the world will end tomorrow, I found myself being sucked in that pensive mood. IF it was all true, how would I want the last page of my life to read?

Me and my thoughts are a dangerous combo so I try to stay realistic...with a touch of daydreaming to balance it all out :D I don't know how my end is going to be but I can enjoy it now till then. With family, friends, lovers and chocolate how can I not see something to look forward to or live for?

Ironically, going on Google this morning I saw that today is the anniversary of The Brothers Grimm http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brothers_Grimm they are real brothers who collected folklore and popularised Cinderella, Hansel and Gretel and other fairy tales we loved growing up. I have always found Little Red Riding Hood the scariest of all the fairy tales growing up. Guess its a close representation of life...

Well, whatever the case might be I am sure that this year has been a major turning point for me, with the good and not-so-good, this is one year I will never forget because I am a changed person as a result of it. You know what I'm talking about :)

Simple and Delicious!

In preparation for Christmas I decided to try out in advance a new recipe I found for roast chicken with rice stuffing. Was it successful? Hmm, I'll say that I'm 70% satisfied with the recipe for the fact that the rice I place under the chicken burnt to a crisp! I'm going to take my sister's advise and use foil to line the pan next time.

It is kitchen friendly, no mess, simple to make and SUPER tasty. This is one recipe for the keeps!

Serves 7

2 tablespoons olive oil
2 (2 to 3 pound) whole chickens
3 cups cooked white rice
1 cup raisins
1 onion, chopped
1 tablespoon ground turmeric
salt to taste
ground black pepper to taste


Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In a small skillet, heat two tablespoons of olive oil. When oil is hot, saute the chopped onion. Add turmeric and raisins. Saute. Add cooked rice and salt. Mix well.
Butter the outside of both chickens and sprinkle a little pepper on both. Stuff the rice mixture into both chickens. Place in a greased 9x13 inch baking dish and bake in preheated oven for about 1 hour (or until chickens are nice and brown and the juices run clear).

  

The IMSU Diary - 1

I have always been intrigued by how people's minds worked and understand the experiences that lead people to think the way they do and act. What better way to do that than to spy into their diary....with their consent or not, hehehe!

This is only a first of a short series of a photo diary kept by a student.

..............................................

That is the main entrance into the higher institution Imo StateUuniversity (IMSU). Straight from IMSU junction which is located at Okigwe road in Owerri west L.G.A of Imo state.

Staring through this gate on my first day was like seeing a fast-forward vision of what my time there would be like, realising that iconic jump my life had taken, the countless adventures and strangers who will soon become friends and help shape my life.

Through the gates of IMSU that's students lane over there, I'm told. Students moving in and outta campus 12hrs daily, non-stop.

Talk about crazy!

- Chimezie

(to be continued)...